I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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