We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You pole danced in your parka.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
