My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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