There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
