I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
