we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
