It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
