Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize