You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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