Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
