when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am available for nakedness
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize