the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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