Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
