my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
