Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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