Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
