I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i barfeds in our rink
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
