$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
