He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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