Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
