Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
