At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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