you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
