she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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