Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
