yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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