he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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