Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
