fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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