Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
