took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
