morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
