Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
