Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
