I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
