If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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