Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
