with your own penis?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
