we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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