I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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