He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
