Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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