My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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