We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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