i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
