pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize