I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize