I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
