hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize