Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize