Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
