is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
