Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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