Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
