we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize