ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
