... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
