It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize