I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
