ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize