i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Found your dick twin last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
