fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
