Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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