dude i'm inner monologue high
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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