why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
