Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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