So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You took a bar mat shot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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