Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
