Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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