he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
