so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
