I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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