Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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