I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
