so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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