Me. At least after what I've been through.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you're hired as official boob wrangler
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
