well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
