Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My bed smells like the plague
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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