youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
