Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
