The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize